Circle Jerks Sick Bay
by Krakatau
Summary: The day following the Enterprise's christening festivities brings tempers and hangovers, but there's a cure for everything!
1. Chapter 1

"Bones, the usual." Kirk looked like shit as he stumbled into the medical bay and pulled himself on to one of the examining table. McCoy lifted an eyebrow.  
"Sometime you're going to come in here asking for a new kidney..."  
"I'll be sure not to ask for one of yours; I saw you pounding back the champagne last night!"  
McCoy prepared a hypospray and jabbed it into Kirk's neck before he had a chance to react.  
"GAH! Geez, I don't think I'll ever get used to that!"  
"For all the times you come here for hangover remedies, you'd think you could apply it yourself!" McCoy grumbled. "Now go away and bother someone else; I've got work to do. The sick don't get better just because Starfleet throws a party."  
"Fine, fine! Don't forget; we leave at nineteen hundred hours."  
"Good, I'll remember to pack my toothbrush."  
"Aren't you excited? Our first real mission?"  
"Just what I wanted; more blunt trauma, open wounds, compound fractures ..."  
"What are you saying, that I can't captain?"  
"So far your 'captaining' style has more in common with the bulls of Paloma than a Starfleet Starship."  
"Hey, that hurts!" Kirk replied.  
"You'll get over it. Now will you go and give me some peace?"  
"Alright, I'm gone!" Kirk shuffled out.  
McCoy let out a sigh and sat back down at his monitor. It was true that he had patients still recovering from their meeting with Nero. What MccCoy hadn't told Kirk was that they were recuperating planetside.  
He continued his solitaire game.

The intercom buzzed..  
"Dr. McCoy, Nurse Chapel reporting ..."  
"Quiet as the morgue with a couple zombies. Take the day off; I can handle the hangovers today."  
"Thanks, Dr. McCoy. Chapel out."  
"I hate to admit it, but I may be one of the hangovers you treat."  
McCoy turned in his seat to see Uhura walking in with a sheepish smile. She had showered and dressed in a fresh uniform, making McCoy conscious of his layer of stubble and tousled hair. *At least my clothes are clean,* he thought.  
"Trust me,you aren't the only one." He stood and prepared the hypospray. Uhura took the shot in her her neck without flinching, and watched curiously as McCoy deposited the used canister in a bin with several others.  
"I don't usually need assistance in the morning. I should blame you for supplying me with all that Jack last night."  
McCoy chuckled. He was just glad she had come in *after* Kirk; how embarrassing would that have been? "I had been trying to cut out early. Thanks to you my hangover treatment hit the bin first thing when I got here."  
Uhura leaned back against the counter. McCoy was irritated; she had such a lovely laugh and her eyes sparkled when she did. He cleared his throat. "So what becomes of your lover now, hm? Hope he's not someone you've got to work beside ..."  
Her smile faded. McCoy felt a little guilty for that, but he was in danger of developing something more that he wasn't ready for.  
"I don't know, I actually do work closely with him ... I mean, he's ... well ..."  
"I know it's Spock." He looked squarely at her. "No matter how big it is, it's still a floating box. There are no secrets."  
"I shouldn't be surprised." She looked down at her hand and tapped the first on the counter. "I do wonder, though, if we were a little less secret would we have been a little more ... oh..."  
"Stable?"  
"Exclusive."  
"Ah...don't think that public knowledge would change that." McCoy grumbled, suddenly plagued with an all too clear mental image of his ex-wife with...he had never figured out who the guy had been. "So...who did you find him with?"  
"Oh, I couldn't tell...that'd be too cruel."  
"And what he put you through wasn't?"  
"You have a point...but we all work so closely together."  
McCoy started thinking of everyone on the bridge. Chekov? Too young. Sulu? Too uptight. Suddenly, the image of Kirk in the hallway with the champagne and the flutes, and the nameplate with Spock's name on it popped into his head.  
"Don't worry, I think I may have figured it out."  
Uhura looked at him sharply. "Really? Are you going to tell anyone?"  
"Just Kirk - to give him a good long talking to. I doubt anything I say to that pointy-eared ba- uh, Spock ... will make much of a difference."  
"It's all right. I'll talk to Spock. Don't feel obligated to talk to Kir-"  
"Obligated? I've been the closest thing that guy has to a moral compass since we met; If I don't say something, than he'll think it's okay to interfere."  
Uhura shrugged. "Who's to say it's not? Spock and I never really stated anything about exclusivity ..."  
"Stop right there. You were pretty damned upset last night, and you just don't get riled up about a one night stand; feelings that strong don't need an ultimatum; it's already proven itself as such." *Why am I getting all riled up about a one night stand, then?* McCoy asked himself.  
Uhura pulled herself up so she was sitting on the counter and lightly clunked her heels against the cabinet doors. She looked vulnerable. "True ... but I'm finding it hard to hold anything against him if there was a misunderstanding."  
McCoy walked over to her and leaned on the counter. "Well, whatever you decide to tell him, just remember you deserve better."  
She smiled. "Who, like you?"  
"God no, anyone but me."  
"I had a good night." She tapped her foot against his knee, affectionately.  
"Well, lets not make it a habit."  
Uhura leaned into McCoy. The doctor leaned back, surprised by the sudden closeness.  
"What, are you saying your old bones can't take it?"  
Then, before McCoy had a chance to react, she kissed him. He tried to resist at first, but he had been resisting through the whole conversation and was worn out from trying to avoid something he wanted anyway. He wrapped his arms around her and she eased off the counter and into his embrace.  
It was far less messy, this time around and both being sober. McCoy figured they would have ended up on the examining table in another moment if a small cough hadn't diverted their immediate attention.  
"Maybe I will just come back later ..."  
McCoy pushed back from Uhura with a little more force than was probably necessary.  
"Chekov, no ... we were just ..."  
"Lost my earring ..."  
"Looking for it ..."  
Chekove frowned. "You lost your earring in your mouth?"  
McCoy and Uhura stared at him for a moment. Then McCoy cleared his throat and Uhura straightened her uniform.  
"Thank you for the medicine, doctor." Uhura turned and left.


	2. Chapter 2

Uhura made her way through the ship towards the galley. Now that they hypospray had taken effect, she was feeling ravenously hungry. That wasn't the only thing on her mind, however, and she absently smiled at the 'other' medicine she'd received in the sick bay. It was true she had no real lasting, yearning feelings about continuing any sort of substantial relationship with the good doctor, but at least he was diverting enough from the problems at hand.

"Good morning, Scotty!" She chirped as she passed the engineer. He muttered something about 'no yelling', one hand pressed against his head and the other wrapped around the neck of an empty scotch bottle. She paused, watching him recede, wondering how his uniform had gotten so rumpled and stained in just one night. Then, she shrugged, and continued on her way.

She hadn't gone far before she had to stop suddenly as Spock rounded a corner.  
"Spock!"  
"Uhura."  
She tried to speak past the frightened butterflies in her stomach. "We have to talk ... about last night."  
"That would be logical."  
There was an awkward silence. Then, Uhura crossed her arms. "Okay, so I admit I failed to be clear about one thing when we became intimate; I wish to be exclusive."  
"I do not believe I can agree to that."  
Uhura started. She'd mostly been expecting to clear up the issue and continue as normal. "What ...I mean ... _What?_"  
"While our relations have been agreeable, I have met a certain individual who ..." He paused a moment, his brow furrowing slightly as he considered his words, "gives me an even greater degree of satisfaction." He regarded Uhura carefully. "If it is not your desire to entertain multiple partners, than we should end our relations."

Uhura tried not to scowl, and failed. "Right_._ How _logical_. I'm glad we had this talk."

Spock arched an eyebrow. "As am I, Lieutenant."

"Good day, then." She muttered, shoving past him. She'd suddenly lost her appetite and could think of nothing better than listening to deep space for a while.

Uhura had been expecting the bridge to be empty, but as the lift door opened and she stepped out into the newly repaired room, the Captain's chair swiveled around. Kirk had been scowling, but his expression turned to that of surprise when he saw who it was.

"Uhura!"

"_You._" Uhura grumbled, clenching her fists. "Who do you think you are?"

Kirk stood, but Uhura closed the gap quickly, until Kirk had to take a step back.

"I-"

"Do you ever even _think_ about the other people involved? Or are you just so driven by your overwhelmingly overactive hormones that you black out?"

"Uh-"

"Did it ever occur to you that we were happy, without you interfering? Do you think you're so special because you could distract him for-"

"Hey there, if you two were so 'happy', then why was it so easy for me to get to him in the first place?"

Uhura took a step back. "Easy? He was … _Easy?_"

"Look, the first time it was him and me and a bottle of Romulan Ale. After that, well …"

"Wait, how long has this been going on?" Uhura had begun pacing back and forth, looking at the dark control panels.

"Not … long."

Uhura glared at him.

"Listen, I'm mad at him too, okay? He was _supposed_ to talk to you. This wasn't supposed to blow up like it did."

"Yeah, well, it did."

"Well, I-"

The intercom buzzed. Scotty's voice rang out boisterously loud and somewhat slurred. "Party in the sick bay! Party in the-"

They heard movement in the background, and McCoy's voice faintly came over the airwaves. "Scotty, let go of that! And watch the Saurian brandy!" The line went silent.

For a moment, neither Kirk or Uhura spoke.

Then, "Excuse me." Kirk ran to the lift.

Uhura watched him leave, infuriated. She let out an exasperated sigh and slumped into her chair.

"_Boys._" She muttered, before securing her earpiece and losing herself in deep space.

Hours later, her stomach started making more noise than deep space, and she removed her earpiece with a sigh. She arranged her station back to how she found it, and was nearly in the lift when the intercom buzzed.  
"Admiral Pike to Bridge."  
"Lieutenant Uhura here."  
"I need a word with Captain Kirk, do you know where he is?"  
Uhura paused a moment and considered the request. If he was where she suspected, he was most likely drowning in alcohol and in very poor state. She gave a small smile. "I believe he's in the sick bay, Admiral," she chirped.  
"Thank you, Lieutenant. Admiral Pike out."  
Uhura entered the lift and pressed a button. Lunch was waiting, and her appetite had returned full force. "Karma's a bitch, isn't it, _Captain?_" She muttered to herself with a wicked smile.


End file.
